We are not Three-fifths of a Human Being

Marriage Equality, those two words have become the center of the final battle for gay rights. 

 

How far we have come and how far we have yet to travel.  I remember when I was much younger and first coming to understand my sexual attraction and orientation the thought of marriage was not on my mind.

 

In fact, my first long term relationship didn’t consider getting married as most of who we were in fact was considered illegal.

 

 

The majority of our life was spent trying to get housing which was safe, not to be fired from our jobs and not get the crap kicked out of us for daring to live together.

 

The early “gay affirming” church called the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches” had a liturgy that was called a “Holy Union”.  This pretty much copied the traditional church wedding ceremonies’ and changed the pronouns to fit the same gender couple.

 

For a hot second that was enough, that is to have a church recognize your relationship and hold it as blessed in the eyes of God.

 

Of course the longer we were together with our partners the more we found out that while God may love us and embrace us, no one else was and especially the law.

 

We had no visitation rights for our partners when hospitalized, because we weren’t married.

 

We had no rights to our partner’s body when they died, because we were not married.  In the late 70’s and mid 80’s people were dying at an alarming rate.

 

We had no rights to pass on property without it being contested by family members, because we weren’t married.

 

If our partner had something catastrophic happen to them, we had no say in their treatment or care, because we were not married.

 

We could not have children, because we were not married.

 

We could not adopt children, because we were not married.

 

We could not be considered for credit together, because we were not married.

 

The longer a couple was together and the everyday obligations of living life became more and more complicated because we were not married.

 

As a couple we suffered at the hands of the IRS and tax breaks and credits because we were not married.

 

The list of discriminatory practices used against gay couples simply because they were not married amounts to thousands of laws both on a federal and state level. 

 

Of course if a couple had an endless stream of cash flow, they could find a good lawyer to write up all kinds of legal documents for protection of the relationship that may or may not hold up in court, because wait here it comes; we were not married.

 

Thus began the fight for equality. 

 

Now, I could write page upon page of horror stories of what has happened to couples in the 31 years my partner and I have been married in the eyes of our church.

 

In this journey of time one has heard all the arguments for and against allowing gay people to be treated equal in the church and in the eyes of the law.

 

We have heard all the negotiations for giving couples some rights by calling our relationships “civil unions”, “holy unions”, “domestic partnerships”.

 

We have seen the definition of marriage defined, re-defined and re-defined again.

 

Thanks to straight people the definition of marriage does not hold the same personal life time commitment of fidelity, integrity and love that I am sure we all want it to. 

 

With divorce for first time marriages approaching 50% and 60% of 2^nd marriages I failed to see how the gay community gets pulled into the argument of re-defining marriage.

 

This does not even take into consideration of the new reality TV shows for putting a man and women together or the lunacy of the Las Vegas marriage.  The straight community hasn’t needed us to destroy marriage; they have done very well on their own.

 

We have more than our fair share of folks in our own community who do not believe marriage is the ultimate goal for our community simple because straight people have been less than good role models of marriage at the minimum and total hypocrites at the worst.

 

So what is really at the bottom of this snake pit of fiery rhetoric and endless court battles? 

 

Equality!  However, it is not equality the way it is being discussed and debated.  The issue is not about what the church will have to do or not do, accept or not accept. 

 

It is not even about laws that allow for people to live their lives in relative safety and the pursuit of happiness.

 

What it is about is whether or not our straight counter parts see gay people as equal to them as human beings.

 

When I saw the movie “Lincoln” there is a piece of dialogue which clarified what actually is going on with “Marriage Equality”.

 

At some point in the movie Lincoln is in a conversation with a political ally about getting the 13^th amendment passed.  The ally is trying to explain to the President what the real challenge of the 13^th amendment is. 

 

The challenge it turns out is not putting an end to slavery but rather the country with the passage of the 13^th amendment will have to give the “negro” the vote.  In other words once one could not hold people in slavery, one must recognize they are full human beings with all the rights and privileges that go with that.

 

Now I know that didn’t come till much later (100 years to be more exact) but this little piece of prophecy set the stage for the civil rights movement and the definition of “human rights”.

 

This struggle for “Marriage Equality” is the final argument of whether or not gay people are fully human, are on equal footing with the rest of this creation we call human.

 

It is the 3/5 of a human being all over again debate all over again.

 

Oh, I know the religious and political right have not used this exact language, it has been carefully avoided under the cover of morality and ethics of faith dogma or what is natural or not natural.

 

However, that is exactly what is being said to us.  As long as we are denied marriage equality the so called right can rest in the blessed assurance we are not fully human and therefore do not have to be treated equally under the law.

 

The conservatives within the Black community say this is not a civil rights issue and our community has taken heat for arguing for what we called our civil rights. 

 

Of course for all the wrong reasons they are correct, this argument, this fight, this pitched battle has never been about civil rights, it is in fact about being seen as fully human, yes that is correct human rights!

 

My brothers and sisters in my community have gotten sucked into the wrong conversation.  We have been fighting for the right to not get fired, the right to live where we want in relative safety, the right to medical care etc.  Yet, even if we get all of that we will still be considered 3/5 of a human being because our love and expression of that is not equal.

 

We can now serve in the military, but we are not equal.

 

We can set up partnerships, but we are not equal.

 

We can serve in churches, but we are not equal.

 

We can have our jobs as long as we don’t claim to be equal.

 

The political and religious right is saying they are 6 foot tall and we are only 3.6 feet tall, so we can never fully have what they have.

 

They will give us civil unions, but that is not fully equal.

 

They will give us domestic partnerships, but that is not fully equal.

 

We can spend thousands of dollars to get legal paper work done, but it will not hold up because we are not fully equal.

 

We can fight and win the right of job protection, but we are not equal.

 

We can have hate crime laws passed, but we are not equal.

 

As long as they can say our relationships are not a marriage, they can continue to say we are not equal.  The religious and political right will find comfort in the phrase from the book “Animal Farm”; all animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.”

 

I think our adversaries know the moment they let us say “I do”, they have lost the battle.  So they will fight us tooth and nail by giving us a crumb here and there, but not anything beyond 3/5 of a human being.

 

Understand this; DOMA says we are 3/5 of a human being.

 

Georgia’s State Constitution says we are 3/5 of human being.

 

When insurance companies can deny your spouse coverage they are saying you are 3/5 of a human being.

 

When families can step in the middle of a medical crisis or death and take over it is because by law we are 3/5 of a human being.

 

Let us no longer be fooled by the crumbs of these so called rights they will eventually give us, but never the full banquet.  

 

We are fully human, and “Marriage Equality” puts us on equal footing with our adversaries.

 

My partner (husband) and I (also husband) have been “married” for 31 years come June 25^th.  In that time we have paid our taxes, voted, served our country,  one in the military, one as a pastor, contributed to our countries economy, played and officiated in the sports world, owned a home, fed the hungry, clothed the naked, given drink to the thirsty, and visited the sick and imprisoned.

 

In this country that means we have long since passed the expectations of the vast majority of marriages.  I think it is more than past the time of being seen as 3/5 of a human being and being recognized for what we are; fully human in the eyes of God, the church and the law!

 

Just Some Passing Thoughts Entering 2013

July 2012 was the last time I wrote. Did I go on vacation? Quit writing blogs? Run out of things to write about or say?

No, No, and God knows No! Simply put, I just got tired of having to write about the crap the religious and political right keeps lying about. How many times does one have to prove something is a lie before people begin to understand the game that is being played?

I realize one of the many reasons “stupidity” rules is because most people are like lightening. That is they take the path of least resistance. Most, (not all folks) are too lazy or too trusting to really check out information coming their way and so people who are looking to have power and control get it. Maybe one day we will really take hold of the old sayings: “Trust Allah … but tie up your Camel” or today's translation “Trust But Verify”.

So as we go into 2013 I thought I would do something which will allow me to write about more interesting things and to help the reader not be bored to death with repetitive stuff. With the next couple of blogs I am going to cover the most obscene lies and un-truths the religious and political right continue to say, write, and shout out on almost a daily basis.

This way, you the reader get to read the truth, once. We deal with the fact it is a lie and why, once, and when they bring it up again I can simply refer back to this blog. Sweet! So without further delay here are the lies listed in bold type and my answers or thoughts concerning each.

All the shootings and really bad weather is because God is punishing the country for its acceptance of homosexuality, marriage equality, lack of God in the public square, drug use, prostitution, long hair, short skirts etc.

For all those out there living your lives as if God is some kind of puppet master, controlling our every thought and deed, please stop.

God as part of the process of creation gave humanity a free will, the ability to choose. This means that most of the crisis in the world is our own making and or because we are ill prepared to deal with whatever naturally occurring thing has just happened.

For those who think they know the Bible as an explanation for everything…remember after the great flood God said God was not going to do that again. Then there is, at least for the Christian, this Jesus fella who if we follow his teaching we avoid a whole lot of the crap we do to each other.

People we need to wake up and take responsibility for the stupid stuff we choose to do and stop blaming God because we choose (That 'Free Will' thing again!) to be mean and evil to folks.

Do we need a concrete example here? How about the idiot who chooses to have one last drink before leaving the bar? He or she gets in the car and leaves the bar. Before long they are left of center killing 5 people in an awful collision. It was the idiot's drinking that caused those deaths, not God. In fact I am sure God received those killed into God's arms with love and compassion for their sudden transition.

Next lie: Guns do not kill people, people kill people.

Let’s get this straight, “People with guns, kill people”.

Guns have one main function, which is to kill. So when this conversation starts I really wish those on the right would quit trying to convince me and others they have their gun for target practice, hunting and protection.

They have a gun because they are willing to use it to kill, period.Don’t respond, just let that float in your head for a second.

For those who say it is our 2nd amendment right, here is the exact wording of the amendment:

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a Free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

According to Wikipedia, “In 2008 and 2010, the Supreme Court issued two landmark decisions concerning the Second Amendment. In District of Columbia v. Heller, 554 U.S. 570 (2008), the Court ruled that the Second Amendment protects an individual's right to possess a firearm, unconnected to service in a militia[1][2] and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home. In dicta, the Court listed many longstanding prohibitions and restrictions on firearms possession as being consistent with the Second Amendment.[3] In McDonald v. Chicago, 561 U.S. 3025 (2010), the Court ruled that the Second Amendment limits state and local governments to the same extent that it limits the federal government.[4]”

I put this here hoping to force the reader to read for themselves the actual amendment and then read what the Supreme Court said.

After you have read for yourself the amendment and the court rulings, I will just raise with you the real issue. The main function of a gun is to kill something, most of the time it is another human being.

For those of who claim to be Christian and follow the teachings of Jesus we are not given the option of being able to kill another human being only and unless we are sin free. So Christians why do you own that gun again? Don’t respond, just think on that.

Next lie: “There is a full scale war on Christmas”

The only people in the world who believe this crap are Fox News, and followers of the Evangelical TV shows who simply need ratings and donations. How Bill O’Rielly was able to get the attention of the public around this fraud is beyond me.

If there is a war on Christmas, why pray tell do all the Christmas decorations come out in the stores right after Halloween is finished. Why do Churches everywhere begin planning special services and special programs as of the first week in November?

By the way, just for fun let's do a little truth telling. The vast majority of scholars and historians agree on these facts: Jesus was not born on December 25th. Jesus was born in a cave to an un-wed couple. No inn, no manger, no animals and we wonder why the religious right needed to invent the “war on Christmas”.

Also, here is a full explanation for this lie:
http://www.reverendbitchsir.blogspot.com/2011/12/wag-dog-of-christmas.html

Next lie: “Financial blessing is the will of God for Christians, and that faith, positive speech, and donations to Christian ministries will always increase one's material wealth.”

Of course this is the lie that is told by those of the Mega church variety especially those espousing the new prosperity theology.

Of course a close reading of the gospel finds that Jesus never used the words prosper or prosperity. In fact, he taught the exact opposite. To follow and believe this lie is too allow only one person to get rich and it will not be you.

Next lie: The Bible is the inerrant word of God.

http://record.americanbible.org/content/bible-qa/number-english-translations-bible


Of the 900 English versions which is the Word of God without error? Please don’t try to make the case for the “King James” version, as there are more translation errors in this version then holes found in Swiss cheese.

Couple other facts to consider before one believes this lie: We have no original copies of the bible.

In addition the Bible is, and always has been, a selected collection of historical writings by many different people, in many different languages.

Then there are books or writings that were left out of what we call canon starting in 310 AD, “just because”.

The Bible is sacred, it is good for teaching our faith, it is holy and that does not change just because there might be an error or two.

And lastly for this blog, this lie: America is the best thing that has happened in world history as we have brought peace to the world. Or I guess this has to do with the lie of American exceptionalism.

Really? Our Country is 236 years old. Of those 236 years we have been in a war of one kind or another or some kind of military action for a total of 165 years and still counting. In case you think my count is off here is the history:

War of Independence 1775-1783 Northwest Indian War 1785-1795
Quasi-War 1798-1800 Barbary Wars 1801-1815
War of 1812 1812-1815 1st Seminole War 1817-1818
2nd Seminole War 1835-1842 Mexican-American War 1846-1848
3rd Seminole War 1855-1858 Civil War 1861-1865
Indian Wars 1865-1898 Spanish-American War 1898
Philippine War 1898-1902 Boxer Rebellion 1900-1901
Mexican Revolution 1914-1919 Haiti Occupation 1915-1934
World War 1 1917-1918 World War 2 1941-1945
Korean War 1950-1953 Vietnam War 1964-1973
El Salvador 1980-1992 Beirut 1982-1984
Persian Gulf "Support" 1987-1988 Invasion of Grenada 1983
Invasion of Panama 1989 Persian Gulf War 1991
Somalia 1992-1993 Bosnia 1995
Afghanistan 2002-supposedly set to end in 2014
Iraq 2003-2011

1,317,348 Americans have died in these 30 conflicts. I could not find reliable figures for the number of people who were causalities at our hands, but suffice it to say I am sure it is far greater than 1.3 million.

Just since 1976 the United States have executed 3,260 of its citizens.

Killing people seems to be what we do best. We glorify killing, we put it up in the bright lights of Hollywood, we sprinkle it all through our theology and we justify it as “free speech”.

We call a movie with two people “making love” pornography and call it immoral.

We make movies showing people being blown to bits and we give them academy awards.

We are anything but peaceful and if we are exceptional it is because we have become very efficient at killing people and making it look like it is every bodies else's fault.

Well, this is enough for y'all to digest for a couple of weeks. Imagine how different the world, and this country might be if we hadn't bought into these 6 lies.

Was Justice and Mercy Served?

Sometimes one of the toughest parts of the job of being a pastor and to be considered a community leader is offering counsel to the community when it is apparent there is a deep and sharp divide.

Recently the LGBTQIA community was faced with a deep and sharp divide.

February 4, 2012 a young gay man was savagely beaten as he came out of a store in his neighborhood.  This young man by the name of Brandon White became an instant poster child for a hate crime law in Georgia because the idiots who felt they had the right to beat him, filmed it and well the rest is history.

On February 8, 2012 CNN reporter Moni Basu wrote the following about the crime:

“A video circulated online shows three men punching and kicking White after he stepped out of the JVC Grocery and Deli in southwest Atlanta's Pittsburgh neighborhood. The men, believed to be members of a gang called Jack City, yelled: "No f----ts in Jack City."

The store's surveillance video shows White, dressed in a purple shirt and black jeans with a cell phone to his left ear, exit the store along with another man. As soon as they step outside, White is accosted by his attackers.

The surveillance video captured eight men standing around watching, two of them with video cameras in hand. One man lunges at White with a tire in his hands.

White told HLN later Wednesday that he went home after the 30-second attack.

"At this point I am beyond mad," he told Jane Velez-Mitchell. "I actually go back because I wanted to see who they were."

Atlanta police said the incident occurred February 4.

White said he did not report it right away because he did not want to draw attention to himself. He could not even bring himself to watch the video at first; he was so humiliated and embarrassed.

The video was released on YouTube and WorldHipHop.com, and was posted on The Smoking Gun.

When it went viral, White decided to talk to the police. "Once they put it out there they set themselves up," he told HLN.

"I feel I was violated," White told reporters. "The scars run deeper than anyone will know. The physical pain, I can get over that. My thing is: Who's to say they won't come after me again? Who's to say they won't kill me?"

Now, the sharp divide starts as everybody who is anybody in the LGBTQIA community and politicians have something to say.  Rumors start, fabricated stories start and soon the truth of what happen and why gets blurred. 

At about this time it seemed to me just observing from the outside that the victim was being “handled”.  I will leave it to the reader to decide what that term means in the larger picture…but I assure you the fighting and name calling that went on between some of the leaders of our community toward each other was not pretty.

In the meantime arrests were made for 3 of 4.  One is still on the run, and the other three have come before a judge and have been sentenced to 5 years in jail and 5 years probation.  Not so bad considering they were potentially facing 50 years.

Ah, but the sentencing was not without drama and plenty of opinion. 

A letter was sent to the court by Southerners on New Ground a non-profit group dedicated to building a political home across race, class, culture, gender & sexuality.

I have deep respect for this organization and the work they do.  The respect I have for some of the signers is just as deep and in fact a few I would consider s/heros.

The letter said in part: “With great respect to the Court, we must reiterate that we believe the homophobia underlying physical attacks on LGBTQ individuals is not remedied through imprisonment. We are supportive of Mr. Morgane and Mr. William being permitted to regain their freedom by imposing sentences that will hold each young man to account for his actions through probation or community service.”

To say this action set off a fire storm of opinion would be to put it mildly.  There was so much controversy caused by the action that SONG posted a statement concerning their action on their website, http://southernersonnewground.org/

In the mean time SONG has been ridiculed and publically chastised for trying to apply a principle every Christian is supposed to apply, that of mercy.

I suppose the best summation of the harsh criticism of SONG came in the form of a response by a reader of a GA Voice article concerning the letter in which they wrote:

“The signatories of the letter seem to be treating this as some kind of disorderly conduct charge.  Beyond belief... I can only hope that the judge will not go along with this kind of thinking when deciding a sentence, especially when we already have a bad situation in Fulton County where too many revolving-door criminals are getting away with way too much. A lenient sentence would convey the tragic message that we are not entitled to feel safe in our communities. That these are not even first-time offenders, and that they perpetrated this brutal act pretty much for the hell of it makes their crime and the sympathy for these thugs exhibited in that letter all the more reprehensible...”

“So Pastor what is your problem?”  “Pick a side and say your piece.”  I wish it were that easy. 

It is not easy because the brutes that beat Mr. White did what they did because they have been told and have learned that it is perfectly fine to beat the crap out of a person just because they are gay.

We are seeing this happen more often with the advancements our community has made not less. 

Have we forgotten the 2 lesbians who were shot?

Have we forgotten the so called pastor who ordered his church members to beat his own son and lover?

Have we forgotten the insane number of transgender folks slaughtered every year?

Have we forgotten the young child that committed suicide because he was being bullied on a daily basis?

Have we forgotten there are churches that commit spiritual violence on us every day by proclaiming we are destroying America?

This list could get really long…

Have we forgotten how hard we have fought to get “hate crime laws” in place to send a message that visiting violence upon our community “just because” is not cool?  A law in many other states but not here in Georgia.

So yes, I get the frustration on the part of some in our community concerning this letter.  I have felt the white hot anger of being a victim of a gay bashing, I have felt the helplessness.  I wanted my beaters to go to jail for a long time.

However, to viciously berate a community group of our own who are trying to advocate for justice and mercy in a world where the justice and prison system are fatally broken is flat wrong.

These young people who committed this crime were lost before they went after Mr. White.

We live in a world were violence is glorified, and we allow the church to sell us a bill of goods concerning sexual orientation.  So we are shocked and enraged by this story?

We seem to pick and choose when to get angry and raise our voices…Brandon White is not the poster child for hate; he is just one more victim in a very long history of crap sent our way.

We are re-acting instead of acting.

With that said, I respectfully say to SONG; while I appreciate the efforts, agree with the sentiment, the timing of this letter was awful.

I understand what “Restorative Justice” is supposed to be.  I understand the working definition is;

“Restorative justice (also sometimes called reparative justice[1]) is an approach to justice that focuses on the needs of the victims and the offenders, as well as the involved community, instead of satisfying abstract legal principles or punishing the offender. Victims take an active role in the process, while offenders are encouraged to take responsibility for their actions, "to repair the harm they've done—by apologizing, returning stolen money, or community service".[2] Restorative justice involves both victim and offender and focuses on their personal needs. In addition, it provides help for the offender in order to avoid future offences. It is based on a theory of justice that considers crime and wrongdoing to be an offence against an individual or community, rather than the state.[3] Restorative justice that fosters dialogue between victim and offender shows the highest rates of victim satisfaction and offender accountability.[4]”  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restorative_justice)

So, if I understand the definition correctly the timing was bad for lots of reasons not the least of which was the lack of communication with Mr. White and determining his needs.  It does not matter why this did not happen, it just didn’t.

Further, I am not sure just how much remorse there was on the part of the offenders as at least one of them is quoted as saying; “I barely hit him. I was wrong for hitting him but I didn’t hit him to the point of killing him. I was just being young and dumb.”  (ProjectQ)

In fact, I am not sure how much of this working definition actually happened or will come to pass.

Finally, “restorative justice” cannot and will not work in a singular high profile case.  We have to totally change the way our justice system works.  This means we have to change the laws and the system that enforces those laws…we have to convince the justice system there is a better way before the cases get in front of them. 

Until then we are stuck with, “if you do the crime, you will do the time.”  That is neither justice or merciful.  So my friends there are no easy answers, but I have faith in our community that through all this controversy we will come out better and stronger, because that is how we are!

Blog vs Rant

This is supposed to be a blog, but today suffice it to say it is also a bit of a rant. Is it me or does it seem like the divide and discourse in this country and our community is as bad as it has ever been?

I know it is an election year, but this divide has been getting steadily worse since the beginning of the POTUS term and with every step forward the LGBTQIA makes.

The mess going on in Washington...and the awful things they are saying about and to each other, the news media behaving like vultures and people maneuvering for positions to be called a hero.

We watch with embarrassment the political fighting which stands in the way of making sure the folks of our country are protected, secure and safe...did you know our country has not had an official budget for 3 years!

How either of the leaders from the US House or Senate can stand in front of cameras and speak with any kind of authority is beyond me…the approval rating in congress in at 9% the last I looked.

The leaders from the religious right pretend to be good and loving and kind Christian folk, yet when one tries to work with them to find common ground one quickly finds there is no such thing.

If one does not accept their brand of theology it gets pretty ugly quick!

Of course in our own LGBTQIA community all one needs to do is look southwest of North Avenue or walk down Ponce de Leon and the divides in our community are evident. Funny it is not much different from other leadership, because our leadership has done precious little to make the divides less divisive.

Of course it is not all on the leadership of our community, cause folks, y’all ain’t to excited about changing things either.

So last night I came across these words; I have read these words many times before but last night they sort of stopped me in my thoughts:

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." (Philippians 2:1-13 (The Message))

Now regardless if one is a Christian or not...it seems to me this is a formula for working through most of our challenges...a way of peace, a way of strength, a way of walking the talk. A way in which everyone could walk away saying they had a hand in working through the challenge. I am sitting at my desk wondering if this country and it's leadership have become so jaded and drunk with power, they have forgotten the basic tenet of our country which says, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all... are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among the people, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it..." 

There are those who say this election is the most critical in our Country’s history. What we are watching and experiencing is something we have known for a long time...the politicians do not really care if you or I can pay the mortgage or rent.

They do not really care if you or I have gas. HIV only matters if a large block of voters suddenly die or there is oil in the country affected by the disease.

No, the only thing at stake is their position of power, money and comfort, and they would sell their own mother if they thought it would keep them in power.

The behavior in Washington and big business over these last months proves that all those "so-called Christians" have forgotten a key to their faith... "Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

So I write this to say; Shame on you Mr. President for playing the game, you were supposed to be different.

Shame on you Mr. or Mrs. Congressperson as none of you would know a compromise if it slapped you in the face.

Shame on you Mr. or Mrs. Senator, for acting like you are all that when people back home are laughing at you.

Shame on you State of Georgia, for being a bastion of hostility towards anything that is not the republican brand or in agreement with your particular set of religious beliefs.

Shame on you the conservative political right and the religious right for constantly beating us over the head with your brand of morals and practice of faith, telling everyone how to think and what the bible says.

Shame on you the liberal political and religious left for acting as if the other side is the spawn of Satan.

Shame on all those big CEO's and big business people who forgot why they were in business to begin with,"...that all... are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Shame on the LGBTQIA community for crying about how mistreated we are but doing very little to get past what divides us, we can and must do better!

Damn it folks, read this passage one more time:

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand." (Philippians 2:1-13 (The Message))

Those in the know say the people are restless and angry…you think?

This is not the writing of an old tired bitter queen.

This is a wake up call. Things will only get better when we each take on the reality of those afore mentioned words.

Things will get better when we stop behaving like a bunch of children on the school playground.

OK, my rant is done…I have looked at the words again…I will endeavor to keep them in the forefront of my mind and actions. The question is: Will you join me?

“You Are God’s Child and You Are Not a Mistake!”

My Mentor of blog writing says one should never repeat a blog, but in view of some of the emails we received from young people this week at the church, I really feel a need to give this witness again.

The pain and anguish expressed in some of the messages give me pause and the recognition that despite vast improvement for our community, it is still devastatingly hard to grow up gay.

When I was a 13, during the month of January 1968 I wrote a paper for my 8th grade English class on why Dr. Martin Luther King was my hero. No big deal, except I was a white kid in an all white school.

As anyone who reads my blog with any regularity will tell you my grammar is awful and so it was no surprise I got an A for content but a D for grammar. With that paper my life became complicated. I was now known as a n***** lover.

There was no end to the jokes and nasty notes left at my locker or in my schoolbooks. It should also be noted at about the same time I had gone through a sudden growth spurt. So by the time the school year had ended I was 5’9” and 120 pounds.

I was kind of geeky looking to say the least.

At the same time I was part of a family who included a father who had a very strict definition of what it was to be a “man” and a mother who insisted on me having “school clothes” and “play clothes”. What was the problem with this? Nothing except when I went to school I was dressed in a freshly ironed shirt, a pair of dress pants and polished shoes, and a Princeton haircut.

Dressed this way amongst kids in blue jeans, tennis shoes and long hair I stood out as not being particularly “manly”.

For the record it should also noted at the age of 9 I had figured out that I was not same as everyone else when it came to issues of sexuality. I had more than a passing interest in men.

I couldn't understand why I felt about men the same way other guys were feeling about girls. My grandparents at this time had a foster child who was 14 and would later become their adopted son, my step uncle. Starting at the age of 10 while visiting my grandparents I would sleep in my step uncles room. I woke up one night and caught him masturbating.

Long story short I figured out in that time I was a homosexual. This probably would not have been a bad thing except for my step uncle taking advantage of my curiosity and literally raping me until I was 13 and he left for the army.

At one point he took me to a place no young person should ever have to go physically. The whole time he did this to me, he told me I was nothing but a fagot and if I ever told anyone I would be thrown out of the family for being a queer. I threw out bloody underwear that summer out fear of being found out.

There was no one to tell and no place to go for support or to get help. The only positive thing to come out of this experience was that I learned I would never make a person do something sexually they did not want to do.

So now let us fast forward back to the end of 8th grade school year. A friend of mine showed up to my house one day with some of his father’s naked girl magazines and a jar of Vaseline. We experimented that day. Compared to what I had already been through this was great and I had my first official crush.

That is until he told his friends.

The bullies came out in mass numbers. Much like how vultures circle prey which is about to die. Now, I was a marked kid…called a homo, fagot, pushed into lockers and cornered in the locker room. I was followed home with kids calling me names. Eggs were thrown at our house. We would get phone calls at our house asking for me because they wanted a blowjob. This went on the entire 4 years of high school almost daily. So my days in high school were spent in complete torment and fear that in the end no matter what I wanted to do or did I was a loser.

I was a n***** lover and a fag. Those days of high school were hard for me. There was no place to go for support or understanding of what I was feeling, who I was or any kind of acceptance. To many I was just at minimum weird and at worst a pervert. I later found out that my struggles and experiences caused untold grief for my family and especially my sister.

Ironic isn’t it, my sister was bullied because of her brother. While most sisters get to look up to their older brothers, mine probably spent most of her high school days wishing I never existed.

Those times made it difficult for my friends too. For the mention of my name brought laughter and jokes. I have often wished there could have been a different way, a better way. So why am I sharing this tonight?

Because the statistics around “bullying” are mind boggling. Very little has done to stop it or to provide support when bullying has happen.

Bullying Statistics, which is Home - Info on Preventing Bullying, Harassment, Violence , Online Bullying, and School Bullies gives the following information.

In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though too many adults still see bullying as "just part of being a kid," it is a serious problem that leads to many negative effects for victims, including suicide. Many people may not realize that there is also a link between being a bully and committing suicide.

The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.

Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University

A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying

10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above

According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying

Bully-related suicide can be connected to any type of bullying, including physical bullying, emotional bullying, cyberbullying, and sexting, or circulating suggestive or nude photos or messages about a person.

My heart is yet again broken by society’s inability to support the diversity of creation, to see the beauty of that diversity and to understand our real strength comes in that diversity.

How did I get through it? I really don’t know. I do not see myself as particularly strong or smart. I do know what it is to feel totally alone, unsupported and mocked.

Funny even today I can still feel that way. Maybe I got through this and lived to tell about because when I was at my lowest there was a United Methodist Pastor by the name of Rev. George Groh, who when he heard I was in trouble and seriously in the process of putting a bullet into my head dropped what he was doing and came to me. 20 miles he drove at 7 in the morning.

He came to me and in the midst of my hurt, anger and isolation held me in his arms and cried with me and in the end assured me I was God’s child and I was no mistake. As he held me, he listened to all my shortcomings and confessions. He cried as he listened to my entire story of the rape. He shared in my anger as I tell him of the days of high school. He held me tighter as I cried about being a failure to God and my family and again through his tears assured me I was God’s child and I was no mistake.

Then he pulls out his little pocket bible and reads to me the 22nd Psalm, the whole Psalm not just the part we hear read on Good Friday in church:

So, this is why I wrote this and now share again. To stand witness for our young people and say to them you can get through this.

To say to them you are not alone and the bullies are just that, bullies.

They pick on you because they can’t be honest and content with themselves.

I write this in the hope a message will go out loudly and clearly from other pastors and spiritual leaders who will walk the path of the Reverend George Groh, and hold these kids and look them in the eye and say to them; “You are God’s child and you are not a mistake!”

I write this because despite how it might feel right now, “tomorrow will be better”, I know because I have been there.

Eleven Words

Have you ever had one of those times when you felt like no matter what you did, no one was thankful or appreciative of the amount of effort it took to do what you did? Maybe at some point in your life you took on a project that took all your ability to think about how it would affect you emotionally, spiritually, and your job security. When you went ahead, did the project, and got it completed, there were those who simply looked at you and said of the project, “It’s about damn time you got this done!” Maybe you have a relationship with someone that, for whatever reason, cannot get the phrase “I love you” out of their mouth and into your ear. Then one day after an especially trying moment or close call, you hear the word’s you have always wanted to hear; “I love you!” and your response on the inside is, “about time”, or “this is what it took for you to say it?” Or “you don’t mean it!” A few days ago, we in the LGBTQIA community heard the following words:

“I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

A simply sentence, a simply opinion, just eleven words. In fact many folks, me included, have said those exact same words. Yet, the impact of our words compared to this statement from the other day, from no less then the President of the United States pale in their impact. For the first time in the history of the United States, a sitting President has said to me, to my sisters and brothers: our relationships are valid! Of course the responses to these eleven words were immediate. As one might expect from the religious and political right the reaction was anything but kind, confirming, or acknowledging of the deep soul searching it took to say these words. However, it is with sadness and frustration that some of the responses from the other side of the political and religious spectrum have not been much better. Now remember my opening for this blog as you read these quotes: “Less than 24 hours after Obama came out for marriage equality, organizers from GetEQUAL from all over the country came together to thank the president, but remind him that actions speak louder than words, and there is more to equality and justice.” Similarly, a friend of mine looked me dead in the eye and said, he doesn’t really mean it; it is just political it is not that big of deal. And this gem from the Log Cabin Republicans:

“That the president has chosen today ... to finally speak up for marriage equality is offensive and callous,” the organization said in a news release. Obama announced his position a day after North Carolina voters amended their state’s constitution to define marriage only as a union between one man and one woman.”

This headline from a blog called the gawker.com:

“Barack Obama’s Bullshit Gay Marriage Announcement”

My dear friend and Sister Rev. Candace Chellew-Hodge had this to say: “

I know people are pissed with me for not properly bowing and genuflecting when Pres. Obama finally made the no-brainer of a decision to support marriage equality…Thank you, Mr. President for you decision. Greatly appreciate that you've come into the 21st century. But, all it does is guarantee that we will not talk about the real issues our country faces, because the media loves the anti-gay circus so very much.”

So yes, I recognize the obvious questions follow such an announcement in a political year …. Why Now? Is this Hot Air or Truth? In this day when a politician words no longer really mean all that much, do we believe this statement, is there anything past this? Of course there is the ever present activist question in our community ….WHERE DO WE GO AND WHAT DO WE DO FROM HERE! I believe that this is a step forward with immeasurable benefits both in the short term and the long term. It is yet one more building block to add on to what so many of our community have put in place with so much effort in to building towards true equality. We need to pause and take stock of where we really are, what we have to work with, and then lay plans as to where we can go from here. For us older more jaded folks these eleven words give us the sense that we are being heard and change is coming. More slowly then we would like, but it is coming. For the younger generation these eleven words say they count and they are worthy. Think of that 14 year gay kid who hears the President of the United States say those eleven words, just maybe they will not swallow the wrong end of a gun. Much as a river running through the land ever so slowly changes the landscape, these eleven words have changed the landscape for the LGBTQIA community for the good. So regardless of political preference, ideology or party, we owe this President of the United States a debt of gratitude for the first time in history to saying, “I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.” Those eleven words have changed the landscape of this country forever and there is no turning back…no turning back. Thank you Mr. President!

We Are Not a Sin

First let me just say after a power flicker while in the middle of writing this blog, the term “Jesus saves” has new meaning for me this morning.

I want to say to my sisters and brothers in the LGBTQIA community who have been so battered and beaten by the religious establishment, especially those of the Christian faith, I am indeed sorry. Those in the religious faith have either by design or ignorance have gotten wrong about us and our standing with God.

I have figured out the real problem with my community is not coming from the world of science. 

Our problems with living a peaceful life are not coming from psychologists.

Our inability to walk our streets safely is not coming from the really bad attitude of law enforcement or some jerks that wouldn't understand their own sexuality if it hit them in the face.

Nope, our problem is just one word: sin. Sadly this has become the catch word for anything the so-called moral elite don't like about a person or groups of persons.  If one does not behave according to a strict set of guidelines then they are sinning and the consequences of whatever harm comes their way is their fault.

Before the reader deletes this blog or goes running from the room screaming…read a little further and one will see that I am correct.

I also think for the activist LGBTQIA not dealing with this or acknowledging this as the bottom line issue that is really holding us back from our civil rights is a huge mistake.

We must begin to take this issue on and not talk around it or act as if it is the simple argument of a religious fanatic.

I know there is the whole separation of church and state thing, but folks let's be honest, that is a crap argument and we know it.  If one claims to be a person of faith regardless of their religion that faith affects the way they live, think and work within the community.

Since our religious faith affects us so dramatically, it then only stands to reason the effects to our community are dramatic.

Some points to be ponder.

We have no protection for our relationships in the state of Georgia because our relationships are seen as sinful.

We have no protection in this state and many others from hate crimes, well, cause homosexuality and all other variations of sexual behavior aside from male to female missionary style intercourse are seen as a sin.

We have no protection with our jobs because “well damn preacher that lifestyle is a sin.”

We have no protection with our housing because two women or even more so two men living together and sharing a bedroom is a sin.

We cannot get married in this state and many others because same gender relationships are seen as a sin.

Still not convinced?  Still think I have come to this conclusion because I am a preacher? Read on…

This concept of us being sinful is so deeply interwoven into our minds even we as a community can't see it for what it is anymore. 

I had a young man in my office the other day who was desperately trying to be ok with the fact he was gay.  We went through all the arguments concerning nature and nurture.

We covered all the “Christian slaughter passages” and he could see and even understand the culture and translation problems they present.

We even covered the arguments that being same gender loving is not a lifestyle.

At the end of an hour and a half discussion, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I get all of what you said Pastor, I even agree with most of it.  But what if you are wrong?  What if it is a sin?”

The word itself, however, is so commonly used that it has become debased, distorted and abused.

In this condition, it carries little emotional and intellectual force.

To some people, it has become like "The sky is falling!" of Chicken Little fame.

To unbelievers, "sin" is almost a joke—they even compose songs containing light references to it.

So how is the word defined?  According to Wikipedia; “A sin is an act that violates a known moral rule. The term sin may also refer to the state of having committed such a violation. Sin can refer not only to physical actions taken, but also to thoughts and internalized motivations and feelings. Colloquially, any thought, word, or act considered immoral, selfish, shameful, harmful, or alienating might be termed "sinful".

So, who decided LGBTQIA people and who they are is a sin?  At least for it me it isn’t God or that “Higher Power”.  So who made this great dramatic decision that loving the same gender was a sin? 

As a Pastor my working definition of sin has always been, “any intentional act, word or deed that brings harm to another or oneself.”  Now hang onto this for a second, we are coming back to it.

This week I had a gentleman in my office who allowed for my entire defense of the LGBTQIA community up to a point.  His final argument was that when a person took Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, they set aside the old and began living in the new, leaving their sinful nature behind.

I told him I was that person.  He said, “But you continue to sin even though you know that your relationship is wrong in the eyes of God, therefore you continue to sin.” What???  This guy can’t be serious!  Yet he is and this is the problem for our community in a nut shell. Sin.

For those of you who have read my blog for a while already know this but it bears repeating.

1)     I accepted Jesus Christ as Savior when I was in the 8^th grade.

2)     I was called by God to ordained ministry in 1986.

3)     I met my partner in 1982 and we entered into a covenant relationship (marriage) and 30 year later we are still together.

4)     I have preached the “gospel” for the last 26 years, which has included feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, giving drink to the thirsty and visited the sick and imprisoned.

5)     I have spent almost my entire life trying to the best of my ability and sometimes failing in grand ways to be about doing justice, to be merciful and walk humbly with God.

6)     My partner and I own a home, pay our taxes and live in a quiet neighborhood.

7)     We love watching the Atlanta Braves, and I am a huge Chicago Blackhawk fan.

8)     My partner will read any kind of “science-fiction that he can get his hands on.

9)     My partner works in the computer field and would have to be physically dead before not reporting to work.

10)Finally, but not least we have 2 labs, a Macaw and 2 cockatiels.

So where is the sin?  What intentional act, word or deed have we done because we are a same gender loving person that has brought harm to another or even ourselves?

I am not trying to be a “goodie two shoes”, because I am not, far from it.  I certainly have my short comings and times where my responses to life's situations are lacking. 

However, that is not due to my sexual orientation, my sexual orientation is not a sin.

GLBTQIA’s sexual orientation is not a sin.

Sexual orientation has nothing to do now or ever with the definition of sin.

All the things we are fighting for will fall into place when the “Church” stops lying to themselves and us.  We are not a sin and they know that.   There are 10 other things the “Church” should know as well and my thanks to Rev. Jim Rigby for having the guts to point it out.  

 1. If Jesus did not mention a subject, it cannot be essential to his teachings.

 2. You are not being persecuted when prevented from persecuting others.

 3. Truth isn't like wine that gets better with age. It's more like manna you must recognize wherever you are and whoever you are with.

 4. You cannot call it “special rights” when someone asks for the same rights you have.

 5. It is no longer your personal religious view if you're bothering someone else.

 6. Marriage is a civil ceremony, which means it's a civil right.

 7. If how someone stimulates the pubic nerve has become the needle to your moral compass, you are the one who is lost.

 8. To condemn homosexuality, you must use parts of the Bible you don't yourself obey. Anyone who obeyed every part of Leviticus would rightly be put in prison.

 9. If we do not do the right thing in our day, our grandchildren will look at us with same embarrassment we look at racist grandparents.

 10. When Jesus forbade judging, that included you.