Dear Rev. Turner…

A few years back a good friend of mine who also is a pastor lamented to me one day he wished the “gay community” would just not be so “in your face” about our issues. We had a pretty loud conversation, fight, and argument that ended with me stomping out of his office and back to mine slamming the door as I went.

I had ended this hot debate saying no, I was actually screaming through my tears, that he the straight guy did not have to spend his every waking moment justifying his very existence as a accepted child of God. I was so angry that even this friend didn’t seem to get that the forces of the church were against us in such a way it was a fight every day to continue to see a reason to live. To be fair, he later came to my office opened the door and simply said, “I get your point” and we having been fighting this stupidity together ever since.

For many it really hasn’t changed much…our community is still a political football to be kicked all over the field…Santorum, Gingrich and Romney can’t talk bad about us enough.

Here in Georgia this week, Tanya Ditty, state director for the anti-gay Concerned Women for America went on the record saying we the LGBTQI are right there with pedophilia, necrophilia and a whole list of other vile and disgusting things.

Then there was the conference in the Atlanta suburbs trying to convince our folks that if they really wanted to, they could change. Of course the leader of this organization is on record saying 99.9% of the people who go through this hell in the now program don’t change…they just have to fight off the feelings of sin every day.

We have to watch and deal with a wacko group who goes all over the country protesting at funerals by saying just about the most disgusting things to one could say about another human being.

People in our community are getting the living crap kick out of them, why? Because they can!

People in our community are regularly denied hospital visitation, transfer of property, are fired from jobs, denied housing and denied jobs. Why? Because they can.

Our President, while having done more for our community then any political leader in history, in his own words says he is still evolving with the issue. Evolving? Come on Mr. President we are flesh and blood human beings who contribute to the economy, pay our taxes, defend our country, contribute to our country’s brilliance in mind, heart and spirit and you still are evolving and we are an issue? Like 4/5 maybe? Do you think if you get another term you might see us as 5/5?

Is it any wonder that at least once a week I either get an email or hear a story like what I am going to share now? This letter is from a few years back, but I still get the same kinds of emails and stories today.

So I share this and my response to it because I know many of the readers of this blog have found themselves in the same spot as the email writer at some point, maybe even now:

Rev. Turner:

Hello. I have been to your website many times. I just came from there and I decided I needed to send an email. I struggle with my faith, and I need to be held up in prayer by others who are stronger in the faith than me. For many years I have been trying so hard to accept my sexuality as "God-given." I have spent countless years desperately pleading and begging God to take these feelings away. I have never heard anything from Jesus, and I am scared. I don't want to be cast into the "lake of fire." I am so scared; it feels like I have been totally rejected by Christ. Even after giving my heart to The Lord in October of 1997, I still feel that stinging rejection and condemnation. Growing up in the Missionary Baptist ......"

Dear Child of God,
Growing up in the Missionary Baptist Church probably taught you a lot of things about prayer. For instance you may have learned that God usually has three responses to prayer: Yes, No and Not Now. We experience God's "yes" usually in very obvious ways as whatever it is we have asked for or prayed about changes. We also experience God saying "not now" in mostly pretty obvious ways as well. Opportunities to do this thing that we prayed about do not come about or the things we want to do does not come about without becoming a major project that causes real trouble for us and others. But that answer of "no" from God is more difficult, generally because we don't want God to say no to us. We don't want to admit that God knows better. We have been taught and given all the answers so God should never tell us no.

So how does God say No? At least my experience has been by a very stern silence. That silence from God speaks loudly and clearly as opposed to the other responses. "God, please let me have this new bike!" Silence. No bike sales, no birthdays, no one drops a bike in front of your house. The answer is no. You may want a bike but you don't need a bike.

You have prayed for God to change your sexually orientation. You have spent countless years asking God to change only to be met by silence, hearing nothing. Take the hint! The answer is NO! You don't need to change.

Just a question for you to ponder. If you are God's creation why would you try to change what God has created? Jesus died and was raised so that you might live not die. The church may have rejected you, but God most assuredly has not. "Whosoever, believes in me will not perish but have life ever lasting." You believe! You are one of the "whosoever’s".

"...preached sermons where he called all homosexuals an "abomination" and rather loudly declared that they would be all cast into an "eternal lake of fire, which is the second death." How can I overcome these intense feelings of hopelessness and despair? Suicide is always on my mind; it seems like the only "real" solution. I was taught that gay people were "sick and evil" and this has hurt me far more than I can even comprehend. Does Jesus really hate me?"

Jesus just as loudly declared that even what we perceive as wrong, an abomination, God sees differently. Remember the women caught in adultery? Oh yes, she was guilty. Yet Jesus sent her accusers away basically saying they were no better than she was and further he didn't accuse her either so go.
This preacher has forgotten that Jesus was about saving and not casting people away from God. Jesus spent his entire ministry bringing people back to God. People, I might add, that had been told all their lives they had no place with God. Sound familiar?

See when we get caught up in the fear spewing, money-making, do it my way or burn type of theology we forget that Jesus was about bringing people to God just as they were and where they were.

It occurred to me sometime ago, that when you hear this type of preaching, that if you stop for a second and add it up, these preachers probably really figure no one will ever get to heaven except maybe themselves. Think about it. Who is worthy of their perception of God? No one. Let me share a verse with you that will help you know if someone preaching is of God. This is a verse I keep close to my heart for discernment in these matters.

"But the wisdom which is from heaven is first holy, then gentle, readily giving way in argument, full of peace and mercy and good works, not doubting, not seeming other than it is." --James 3:17

In other words the wisdom (that which comes from God) is about life not death. Suicide is not a solution in your case but rather an escape. Please understand, once again, God is calling you to live and anyone who would dare tell another where they will end up is in danger of being a false prophet themselves. Does Jesus hate you? He didn't hate his accusers and those who ran away from him and mocked him. How would he hate you for being what God created?

"About a year ago, I tried to "come out" to my parents, but they rejected me and told me that their love was "conditional" upon my renouncing my sexual orientation and asking God to "deliver" me.”

My God, how much more hypocritical can one be? Conditional love? Please. Remember the words of Paul:

"Love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; Love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it takes no account of evil; it takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true; Love has the power of undergoing all things, having faith in all things, hoping all things." --I Corinthians 13:4-7

There is no condition to God's love. Your parents are wrong. They have been duped by the same grotesque message of hate that has brought you to write this email.

"I collapsed under my parents' relentless assaults on me where they would constantly use The KJV Bible to "blast" me and condemn me. I couldn't hold up under these conditions, and I renounced my sexuality in order to keep their love. I do feel horrible since doing this, but I am not too sure if they believe me or not. They do like to question me >from time to time. They both ask me if "everything is OK, and if that former life of mine is dead and buried." I have to tell them it is; otherwise I would be disowned and rejected forever."

My friend, it is far better to be rejected because you were honest and truthful than for a lie. Jesus went to the cross for truth. He died out of love. If your parents reject you because you are honest with them and truthful about whom you are I dare say they have far more problems than you.

Further, who on earth told you or them the KJV version of the Bible was the "word of God"? There are more than 28 different English translations available today. Please before you do anything that you cannot change check out this website:

http://www.whosoever.org.

"Because it became quite clear to me that if you weren't going to change, then you would be viewed as a failure, or someone who wasn't sincerely seeking freedom. I know I have rambled on for far too long, but I cannot help it; I have just been holding this pain in for too long a time. It has to end sometime, or I am afraid that I will give in to my suicidal urges and just end my life. Please help me; I feel battered and unloved by God and everybody else."

Child of God, Jesus said if you are “weary and heavy burden come to me and I will give you rest”,

“do not be afraid for I have overcome the world”,

“I have come that you might have life”,

and “whosoever believes in me shall not perish but have life everlasting”.

You believe, you know and love God with all your heart soul and strength.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself. This is the Gospel message, this is God's word, this is our hope, and this is our life. No one can take that from you. Know this day you are a creation of God almighty and that is good!

Remember my friends, what Dr. Martin Luther King said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice”. So do not give up, justice is within our sight, within our grasp and as God is our witness we shall have it.

The Guise of Family Values

What shall we write about this week? It is not like there isn't a whole mess of topics to pick from.

There is the whole Karen Handle power grab under the guise of “family values”.

There was some idiot from the political right caught on camera saying that Rachel Maddow was the best excuse he could think for using contraception under the guise of family values.

There is One Million Moms.com (a project of the American Family Association) wanting Ellen DeGeneres fired from being a spokesperson for JC Penny’s, of course under the guise of family values.

Not to leave well enough alone they are also after Macy’s for selling wedding cake toppers of 2 men, again under the guise of family values.

I could write about the guy running for the presidency of the United States who has been married three times and divorced twice (lets all pray this third wife doesn’t get some sort of serious illness or it may be divorced 3 times) and claims to know more about family values then anyone on the planet.

I was tempted (although it was just a second) to write about the lunatic who has gone from being a Bishop to being crowned King recently, after leading a march through Atlanta under the guise of yup you guessed family values. Shall we talk about those 4 young men…never mind.

There is the “Love Won Out” conference coming to Atlanta next week and in the sheep's clothing of “reparative therapy," which will try to convince attendees that even if you can't get rid of their “gay feelings” they can be suppressed, and family values of America will be safe. Really?

Last but not least I could have written about the young man in Atlanta who was set upon by 3 or 4 men twice his size and beat viciously in broad daylight because he might be gay! Maybe it is a stretch to say this was in the guise of family values, but all this family talk certainly lit the fuse that led to this behavior. One has to wonder where the family values were as while this beating was going on not one call was made to 911…just saying.

So which topic, Reverend? Well actually all of them. Sadly, they are all connected by the “Church” who has decided you and I are not smart enough, wholesome enough, spiritual enough, or sin free enough to to decide for ourselves how to live our lives in full relationship with God. Some factions of the “Church” are desperately trying to convince us that God has not spoken since the last period was translated into the King James Version of the Bible.

When I say the “Church,” I am referring to the extreme religious and political right who have come to the belief they have been chosen by God to save the United States of America. So to my friends of faith and clergy friends, if the “shoe doesn't fit don't wear it.”

It goes without saying the “Church” is so fearful of what the Bible really says about sex, family, marriage, community, life and death, that talking about it with any intellect or common sense brings screams of twisting scripture and “Gay Agenda”!

The ultimate power this “Church” claims threatens to cut us off from communion and send us to hell if we did not abide by the lease agreement of faith they gave to us and to sign in our own blood.

Of course, they have made so many people's lives a “living hell” that we are not as fearful of going to hell as we once were. So, in a political move that would have made Richard Nixon blush, they have developed the “theology of family values”

I love my fellow activists in the community, but they too often forget all of the afore mentioned garbage started because the “Church” and its self-proclaimed leaders have over the years handed down creeds, dogma and rules that were all very narrowly defined as to what was acceptable to Almighty God when it came to matters of sex, our bodies, and love. Step outside those lines and we found ourselves condemned.

All this talk of separation of church and state is hog wash…and the “Church” is the biggest offender of it. They are now trying to force their particular beliefs and family values into the government where we will end up with a theocracy rather than a republic.

On June 25, 2012, my partner and I will have been together for 30 years. As far as we are concerned we are married. We did not need the church or the government for that matter to tell us it was or wasn't a marriage.

In fact it would be nice if the government would recognize our 30 years and instead of giving us a gold watch, how about the 1,400 plus gifts of law that straight people get for getting married and divorce at the rate of 50% after 7 years?

As you might imagine there has been a lot of discussion in our house about our “marriage” and what it means. I wish I could give credit to whoever wrote what I am about to share, but I can't find the author; I think we saw it on Facebook. However, it was too good not to share…

"True Meaning of Marriage"

“The true meaning of marriage is love. By love, I mean not just what we feel but what we do. Love as a feeling is very flimsy an up and down roller coaster. Love is an action! In order for it to become the ultimate force and for us to rediscover the true meaning of marriage, love has to be unconditional. You are not looking for acceptance or validation. You are giving of yourself to another not because of them, but because of your values. A death to ones self so that another may live and benefit from your sacrifice.

This is not an easy road to walk. But it is the most rewarding road however. An old Buddhist saying goes like this, 'I want peace.' If you take your ego (I) and your desires (want) out of the equation, i.e., the self, you will have only peace left. The true meaning of marriage is expressing love unconditionally to another. It is an unstoppable force that can endure anything. How do you find it? Within yourself. You have to draw strength from you. Neither seeking validation nor acceptance, just seeking the opportunity to show love.”

Gee, that has nothing to do with the gender of the people involved, but rather, our God given gifts of mind, heart and soul.

So to all those who buy into the political sound bite of family values as authored and structured by the religious and political right, I say this:

1) If you are opposed to “gay marriage,” marry someone of the opposite gender. If you stay out of my bedroom, we will stay out of yours. If you're feeling really generous, consider giving up those 1,400 plus laws that benefit you, or failing that, at least share.

2) To those who think contraception is a sin, we gay folks can show you another couple of methods of birth control.

3) To those who think Ellen DeGeneres should not be a spokesperson for JC Penny, then don’t shop at JC Penny.

4) For those of you who have a problem with what Macy's sells, shop elsewhere and let the free enterprise system work.

5) For those who want to speak about family values and you have been divorced multiply times and had numerous affairs…find something else to do or just shut up!

6) For those preachers who would proclaim the title of King, re-read the “red letters” of the New Testament and once again become a servant of God's people.

7) To those who think the Bible is the inerrant and infallible word of God…it is not now nor has it ever been, get over it.

8) To those who are trying to sell Hell as a place...it is not a place but rather a state of being, enjoy your stay.

9) For those who think there is some magic prayer which will get you to heaven, there isn’t one…only feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked and visiting the sick and imprisoned will put one on a path to a greater and better place.

10) To those in the LGBTQIA community who feel beaten, batter and worn out…take the words of Ellen DeGeneres to heart; “Let my haters be my motivators."

11) To those who think you can beat us, shame us, or kill us…we will hunt you down like the rabid dogs you are and send you to jail for the crimes you commit.

12) To those who don't think the LGBTQIA community have any values…chew on Ellen's statement for a moment or two:

“Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need.”

Finally, but not least, to those who think you have all the moral answers as to why the LGBTQIA community should not be treated equally: We are who we are and your approval isn't needed.